


Living in the shadows

by Emerald15



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Prompt Fill, but in the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 17:52:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14025504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emerald15/pseuds/Emerald15
Summary: Prompt: Relatively early into their relationship, Person A and Person B are having sex, and for the first time, they’re so into the moment that they leave the lights on, which they don’t usually do.  Person A starts undressing Person B, but B stops them when they reach a certain article of clothing that conceals their scars.  Whether or not B ends up removing the clothing or A accepts it and they continue (+ A’s reaction to these) is up to you.





	Living in the shadows

**Author's Note:**

> please do not read if you feel you may be upset by the themes in the tags. rated 't' for sexual themes at the start. prompt from otpprompts.tumblr.com

Shane cradled Ryan’s face in his hands as he lowered slightly to kiss him. Ryan eagerly responded, curling a hand into Shane’s hair and tugging on the strands. Shane groaned into the kiss, letting Ryan push him backwards as they staggered and bumped their way into the bedroom. Ryan briefly broke away to yank his grey sweater over his head, discarding it over his shoulder as he dragged Shane’s lips back onto his. He pushed Shane’s checked shirt off his shoulders, but in their combined haste, it ended up tangled around Shane’s wrists.

 

“Oh, Jesus,” Shane muttered as Ryan chuckled.

 

“I’m sure we can make it work,” he said, shoving Shane onto the bed.

 

“Y-You forgot the lights,” Shane said as they shuffled up the bed.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll get ‘em now,” Ryan muttered, silencing any further protest with a hard kiss.

 

Ryan settled his knees between Shane’s thighs, raking his nails down Shane’s side, eliciting a gasp from his partner. Ryan grasped Shane’s hard cock, rubbing him through his jeans as Shane moaned, throwing his head back and baring his neck.

 

“Ry-Ryan, stop, fuck,” Shane gasped, even as his hips tilted upwards into Ryan’s hand.

 

“You sure?” Ryan teased. “Kinda getting mixed signals here, baby.”

 

“Yes, dammit! Fuck, before I come in my pants.”

 

Ryan grinned as he reached for Shane’s zipper. “One of these days I’m going –”

 

“Wait, you forgot to turn the lights off.”

 

“I will baby, let me just –”

 

Shane suddenly began squirming on the bed, sharply twisting his hips and struggling with the shirt binding his hands. “No, don’t!”

 

“Shane? Shane, what’s the matter?” Ryan asked, feeling less turned on, and more concerned at the panicked look in his boyfriend’s eyes. He didn’t understand what had made him so upset; it wasn’t the first time they’d had sex, and he’d seen Shane shirtless before, so it wasn’t as if he was self-conscious. Or was he?

 

“J-Just turn the light off, please,” Shane begged. He was still struggling with the shirt and had brought his knees toward his chest.

 

“Okay I will, but you’ve got to tell me what’s wrong first.” Ryan scooted over and helped free Shane. Almost immediately, Shane made an attempt to bolt, but Ryan quickly grabbed him around the waist, pulling him into his arms. “Shane,” he called gently. “What’s wrong? Are you self-conscious about something? Because I swear, you’re gorgeous and there’s –”

 

“Not all of me,” Shane said softly. He bowed his head, avoiding Ryan’s gaze.

 

“What’d you mean?”

 

Shane opened his mouth to speak but it was clear he was struggling, as if he wasn’t sure whether he should or not. Ryan waited, heart thumping in his chest as his mind ran wild.

 

“I, uh, got picked on a lot at school. Especially when I was a teenager. Like sixteen, or something. I don’t know,” Shane said hesitantly. Ryan nodded, remembering Shane mentioning being bullied a while ago, but chose not to interrupt. He didn’t mention how close to tears Shane seemed to be, either, but opted to give him a reassuring squeeze. “And my parents were always fighting a-and shouting at each other and stuff, whenever they were home. So, y’know, my mom used to get drunk a lot and whatever.”

 

“Did she hit you, Shane?” Ryan asked softly.

 

Shane shook his head and Ryan exhaled in relief. “But I, uh, found it hard to sorta deal with everything. So I, uh…” he trailed off, voice getting smaller and smaller until Ryan could barely hear the last few words.

 

“Didn’t hear you, Shane. Sorry,” he added quickly at the deflated look in his partner’s hazel eyes.

 

“No, no, it doesn’t matter. Sorry, I just.” Shane paused. “Let’s just carry on, yeah? Forget it ever happened.”

 

“Whoa, whoa, no, c’mon Shane, this is something we need to talk about.”

 

“No,” Shane huffed, freeing himself from Ryan’s grasp and quickly standing. “Just forget it.”

 

Ryan stood, following Shane towards the door. “Look, whatever it is, I won’t be mad, I promise. Just tell me, baby, please.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about –”

 

“I get that but if it’s something that’s going to affect –”

 

“It w–”

 

“And if it’s bothering you, I –”

 

“I used to cut myself!”

 

Shane’s outburst stunned Ryan. A deafening silence fell between them; Ryan searched Shane’s expression, watching as the shock of what he’d just said dawned on his partner. Shane took a hesitant step backwards, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.

 

“Shane,” Ryan called softly, using the same hushed tone that Shane would often use for him when he was upset. “It’s okay. Look at me, baby; it’s okay.”

 

Shane opened his mouth, but no words came out. Instead, tears cascaded down his face and he willingly accepted Ryan’s embrace.

 

“I – I, I’m s-sorry,” Shane whispered, voice cracking. Ryan hushed his apologies, leading them back onto the bed, where he continued to hold and comfort Shane as he sobbed into his shoulder. When Shane was finally able to compose himself, wiping his damp eyes with the side of his hand, he mumbled, “Sorry about crying all over you.”

 

“Nah, don’t worry. You wanna talk about it though?”

 

Shane shrugged, shuffling onto his side so he could face Ryan. “It’s not something I thought I’d get so upset about; it happened a long time ago, but I’ve not really talked about it to anyone before. I think it’s ‘cause I just got comfortable with having my scars visible, even when they kinda weren’t – you know?” Shane paused, searching Ryan’s face for any signs of disgust. Finding none, he continued. “That’s why I’ve always preferred to have the lights off when we’re having sex. Because it’s like I can pretend that they’re not there.”

 

“So you’ve never actually shown your scars to anyone before?” Ryan asked slowly, thinking of his words before he said them. He didn’t want to accidently upset Shane again.

 

“Nope. They’re only on my thighs anyway, so it’d be pretty weird.” Shane chuckled humourlessly.

 

Meanwhile, Ryan’s mind was on overdrive; he thought of all the times they’d had sex, how Shane had always made sure that the lights were off and how he’d always wear ridiculously long shorts at the gym. Each incident was slowly clicking into place. The more Ryan thought about it, the more his heart broke. He’d always thought of his partner as his rock, the one who would always make him laugh even on the darkest of days; the one who could calm his pounding heart as they investigated houses and asylums in the pitch black. To think of him as a depressed young teenager, where the only source of comfort to him was to cause himself even more pain to escape his hard reality, brought tears to his eyes. Ryan inhaled deeply to steady himself; it would do no good for him to get upset and possibly upset Shane again in the process.

 

“Thank you for telling me anyway,” he said. “I know it wasn’t easy for you –”

 

“It’s okay, Ryan. No need to sound like a textbook therapist.” Shane grinned.

 

“Shut up, you.” Ryan rolled his eyes good-naturedly before pressing a kiss to Shane’s lips. “Hey, wanna watching a movie?”

 

Shane brightened at the suggestion. “Did you get popcorn from the store?”

 

“Top shelf.”

 

“Awesome!” Shane jumped off the bed and bounded towards the door. As he hovered on the threshold, he called over his shoulder, “Hey, Ryan?”

 

Ryan looked up from where he was pulling a fresh t-shirt over his head. “Hmm?”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Any time.”


End file.
